I have a confession to make: Lately I’ve been feeling discouraged, disillusioned and jaded by this whole foreign-language thing. Yes, I majored in Spanish as a second language, and yes, I’m teaching English as a foreign language. But I’m discouraged on both fronts.
I have studied Spanish continuously since the age of 14. I took it all through college and aced all my classes. But now, Spanish is no longer a convenient accessory. I eat, sleep and breathe Spanish these days. And I’m surviving. But I wouldn’t say I’m thriving.
It’s extremely frustrating to have thoughts trapped in my head that I can’t verbalize. It’s not like back in the States I say everything that comes to mind—but the point is I could! Here, it’s like the people I meet are only meeting half of me…when I’m asked my opinion, my response is often incomplete. I don’t have a sense of humor in Spanish. I don’t have the capacity for casual banter—if I make the effort to talk, it’s usually for a specific purpose.
Adding to my language frustration is the concern that I’ve plateaued—stagnated—fossilized. Ideally, after a few months here I’ll be “fluent” (which, by the way, I feel is a useless word due to its subjectivity and ambiguity). But I fear that I will never achieve that level.
I recently came across these two quotes:
Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back. ~Chinese Proverb
Learning is not a spectator sport. - D. Blocher
Obviously, the idea is that the learner is responsible for learning. Passivity doesn’t get us anywhere. And I’m certainly tempted to be passive when it comes to communication. If I don’t know how to say it, I don’t bother—or I over-simplify. Instead, I should struggle through it. Look things up, ask questions, circumnavigate.
As I mentioned at the beginning, I’m disillusioned with language as a teacher as well. My students are great, and classes are going well. But as I long for fluency in Spanish, I desire fluency in English for them. And I’m realizing what a challenge it is to be an effective foreign language teacher.
More food for thought:
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires - William Arthur Ward
The biggest enemy to learning is the talking teacher. - John Holt
I’ve had enough TESOL classes to know that ↓TTT (low teacher talk time) is the goal. But how in the world do I inspire my students to learn English?
And I’ll end the blog with that question, because I certainly don’t have the answer right now.
